Well, I created this blog with the intention of regularly updating it, and giving the outside world a little insight into life as mum of a child with special needs. Then the usual demands of life took over and I never got around to posting on here. Hey ho, must try harder!
Anyhoo - I've had a bit of an uppydowny week, so I thought I'd release a little vitreol and blurb it all out on here! Nothing hugely MAJOR has happened this week, just lots of little blips, which have joined up together to produce a whole load of straws to balance on this little camel's back. I thought a bit of cathartic writing up might release me from the troubles of the week and let me bounce happily into a new week.
We start the week with my struggling with a little water infection - nothing major, just a bit of a pain, so to speak. Well, actually this started in the last couple of weeks - this week started after the first course of anti-biotics didn't do owt apart from causing a few EXTRA symptoms and troubles - won't go into the details on here! Sounds a bit odd starting a blog with a UTI, it just runs as the backdrop of the week - when I'm not running at 100% it kinda affects everything else I do and makes my general day to day life a little more trying.
Monday was my mum's birthday - invited her round with my sister for a birthday tea - twas a lovely meal (although I say so myself) although my ma, bless her, has a habit of putting her foot in it and somehow giving me grief - like spotting that her birthday present had dust on it and bringing up the cracker biscuits that I lost at Christmas (long story, but after enjoying a nice meal she HAD to have a go didn't she??!!) Love her to bits really.
Matthew was in respite today - only for a tea visit as they're refurbing - he's been REALLY quiet recently bless him - has moments of brightness, well actually LOUDNESS, then drifts back to lying on the floor with his bum up in the air.
Tuesday - put my feet up and had a bit of a rest whilst waiting for a post delivery and my next lot of anti-bios from the docs. Was out on Tues evening picking up a cheque that my dad's choir donated to "Matthew's Friends" - amazing charity that I'm proud to be involved in - check out their website and my boy's story.....
http://site.matthewsfriends.org/index.php?page=gail-s-matthew-s-story
It was a lovely evening, and REALLY grateful to the choir for all their sterling efforts, but was a little bitter sweet as my dad's had some "issues" - you know the committee backbiting kinda thing - he's been really upset by it recently and it kinda put a shadow on the evening.
Wednesday - boy still not too hot, but off on the bus. All fine, tho the driver as usual was a tad grumpy - he was grousing about having to drive to the respite back up place "I've had enough of this job" he grumped - yeah mate, I've had enough too, but I keep smiling (most of the time) and get on with it!! I was actually feeling a tad grumpy too as I'd woken up at 4am with a VERY soggy boy cuddled up to me - how nice, that warm feeling as you are just waking up in the morning, only to realise that the warmth is coming from your son's slowly spreading urine - delightful!
Dad came for tea, which was really nice right up until the point that we realised that Matthew had had a pooping accident, stood in it and tap danced round the house - lush! Said tara to mi da, chucked Matthew in the shower and dumped him upstairs with Alex whilst I started the LOVELY work of scrubbing two carpets, the bathroom and digging poop out of M's shoes. Felt quite worn out by the time I'd finished and went upstairs to check on him. Alex, bless her, had put Bob the Builder on her telly and was curled up with Matthew - he was pretty spaced out and not really taking much notice, but Alex was enjoying it!! To add insult to injury, Bob's story involved manure spreading and horrid smells.
Eventually, my darling, clean-smelling boy was safely in bed and I hit the computer with a vengeance - I'd fallen behind on some arrangements for our conference next week and so had a REALLY busy late evening doing itineraries, "you said, we did", fridge magnets, lists of jobs etc. Crashed to bed a t 1am
Thursday - Matthew has a jerk at breakfast so not really with it as I got him dressed for school. The bus unusually turned up 10 mins early today and unusually Matthew wasn't quite ready, but got him on the bus within 6 minutes of the beep - he was much more with it by then.
Quick bit of catching up with Warrington Parents and Carers business first thing, followed by a chill-out time with the girls at Ikea - ace to catch up with them all and nice to have quality time out :) :)
Off then to hire a carpet cleaner to continue yesterday's clean up operation
OK, so fed up of "eau de poop" I headed off to the Rug Doctor shop, to be met with a charming teenage assistant:
Me: Could I hire a Rug Doctor please
CTA: You need a passport or driving licence and a utility bill
Me: I have a passport AND a driving licence here
CTA: No you need a utility bill too
Me: But these have my photo AND address on, is that not enough
CTA: No you need a utility bill too
Me...: Why?
CTA: In case someone has broken in to your house and stolen your passport and driving licence
Me: What - someone with MY face? (Holds up passport photo next to mush)
CTA: Yes (Shows signs of "maybe this arguament aint working" but aint backing down)
Me: OK then, thank you
...walks off bemused
Eventually went home to hire the cleaner elsewhere! Made me a tad late for my mum's so got a little "dig" in there - hey ho! Got out for the evening later on for a bevvy at a mates, bit more down time :)
So, Friday dawns, another urine soaked start to the day (M's not mine, tho my UTI is casually ticking away undeterred in the background of this story, making me feel a tad under the weather grrrr - not helped by the stomach upset that the new anti-bios brought with them)
Great start to the day with a dentist appointment - I've had toothache for a while now, partly thru sensitive teeth, but also struggling to chew on one side. Had an xray earlier in the week and off to get the results - my palms were sweating just at the thought of entering the surgery, even before any HINT of drilling etc - I am a COMPLETE wuss at the thought of the dentist - remember YEARS ago turning up at a dentist appointment in Cardiff dead cool on my motorbike complete with leather jacket and tassles. Sat in the waiting room wondering what the noise was, only to realise it was MY OWN tassles shaking with my nerves - not cool!
Anyhooo... got into dentist, only to be told that it's my gums receding and there's now that can be done - get on with it. I was DREADING having any treatment, but to be told that there's nothing that can be done about my nagging toothache was even worse.
Left feeling down and disgruntled and headed off to church for a cuppa - nice break and a lovely chat with some lovely ladies - one of them was telling how she'd been fed up a few days earlier "I was so fed up, you couldn't even give me chocolate" - that statement hit all the rest of us - we could SOOO feel her pain!!!!
Eventually dragged myself home for some serious carpet cleaning. Poured the cleaning fluid into a cup to measure out and sat it on the side. Went to fill a bucket up with hot water out of the shower, but the shower lashed back at me, soaking me. I jumped back and knocked the cleaning fluid everywhere. Minor incident, I know, but by this point all the stuff going on was getting to me :( I don't often swear - honest - but a couple of expletives snook out then, and later on when I accidentally dropped the scrubby thing out of the window.
Anyway - got stuck into it and had a good few hours carpet scrubbing, tho occasionally I still get the gentle waft of eau-de-poop!
Friday evening, get the boy bathed and in bed. Thought I'd jump in M's bath, only to be disturbed by my gorgeous girly who wants to collect her clothes for a sleepover, and waits until the moment I settle into the bath to multiple text me - hey ho, no rest for.....
Saturday started at 4.30 am with a change of bedding and Pj's for me and my boy. Joy! The good news is he's now brighter and much more responsive. The bad news, it's 4.30am and I'm tired - I really don't want him asking me to sing and bouncing off my head!
Got up and tried to catch up on a bit of housework - had an embarrassing mound of recycling in the corner of my kitchen (good job my mum didn't visit) Sorted our dishes, and laundry and starting to feel on top of the day. Opened post which included a letter from our transport services with a formal complaint that we have been late too often recently, including a lecture on the unfairness of this on the children with complex needs on the bus.
Burst into tears.
Fourteen hours later, I am trying to unpick my feelings of this morning. The obvious phrase of the straw that breaks the camels back comes to mind. I feel quite embarrassed really that one small letter can send me so far over the top. My reaction throughout the day has been hurt, anger, revenge, negativity - there and back again. My dad came as usual with his Saturday afternoon home made soup, only to get the emotional fallout of the week, bless him. He suggested I might be depressed, which is a fair comment when you've got a blubbering daughter about a silly letter, but it really opens a mega can of worms......
I gave up smoking last December, and shortly after came off my anti-depressants. Two BIG achievements in my life, but this week has tested both of them. I've got really naffed off a couple of times at night and have had a couple of cigaretted :( :( I'm also wondering whether if the ups and downs stated in this week should all just be manageable, without leading me to thinking that I actually need the anti-depressants back in my life.
So, big decisions needed now - I REALLY need to keep off the cigs.....I REALLY need to keep stable for the sake of my family.....Do I hit the anti-d's again? Do I need them? Is it just that I've had a rough week, or am I really so fragile that I need a bit of medication safety net?
Will have to think on that one.
Just to finish the week on a high, however, my mum took me and the kids out for a meal this evening - really nice evening - lovely food, lovely company and no unnecessary digs from my ma! Got back and Alex even tidied the kitchen without my asking -which unfortunately makes me wonder about her trying to work harder just to cheer me up when I'm down, shouldn't be her job really.
Right, that's it, my week in a nutshell! Onwards and upwards - I suppose!
Here's to waking up dry and happy tomorrow!!!
